Why Can’t They Change?

We have all heard the many stories of families where their children even as older adults are still floundering with addictions or have went “crazy” leaving their own families behind. I surround myself with christians and it seems that those who are more spiritually minded have a hard time geting their head wrapped around why these kids/adults who are struggling can’t or won’t change. From their perspective, if you know better and have been taught right from wrong, then one should do better. Well, today I am going to write to you and ease your troubled mind as this is not a matter of someone having a change of heart, contrary this requires treating the root cause of the behaviors and actions.

I can write about this subject comfortably as I have overcome many of my own past struggles and I hired my beautiful friend and mentor, Jeffrey Combs, over 6 years ago who has unequivocally assisted me more than any therapist I have ever had. He released me from beating myself up because believe me those folks in your life who are struggling are asking themselves why they can’t beat an addiction or stop getting angry or just get it together. For every cause there is an effect. Sometimes we get caught up on the effect while we should be focused on the cause.

This past Saturday I heard a man say most people don’t live in the present and that most people lives are like a pendulum on an old grandfather clock. Their minds take them back to past events in which they have attached negative or incorrect meanings to which lead them to have feelings of guilt, shame, unworthiness, etc.

Because of their low-sel-esteem and all the negative feelings they can’t look at the future without anxiety and overwhelm. This is a viscious cycle and until the real root cause is identified and addressed these struggling people will never make lasting change.

See I grew up in a christian household and I could give Satan himself a run for his money in quoting and discerning scripture, but this alone did not keep me from struggling with my owm emotional roolercoasters and demons. It wasn’t until I met Jeffrey Combs and began coaching with him that I was able to identify why I do what I do. The phases that I went through and even use today are the following: awareness, changing the meaning of past events (lettting go) , forgiveness of past trespasses by those who did it to me, as well as, forgiveness of myself (letting go), implementing coping mechanism to deal with difficult personalities, and implement a daily routine to make me successful toward my personal and professional goals.

When you know why you do what you do, then you can let go. Letting go is emotional…it is not physical and no one can do this for you. It is a personal choice to give yourself personal, emotional/spiritual peace. Yes, spiritually we are taught as christians to forgive people of our trespasses, but we are not taught that we MUST attach a postive meaning to those events that threaten our emotinal peace and another thing not stressed enough is forgiveness of yourself. For those who really know me know that I do not take things personally and I have lost the need to be a people pleaser. I have adopted a motto in my house that if anything or anyone does not effect my relationship with God or my bank account that you do not get any of my energy. For anyone who is serious, not curious about addressing your emotional demons, addictions, etc. I highly recommend my friend and mentor, Jeffrey Combs. Get his book called “The Anger Factor” at www.goldenmasterminds.com. I also highly recommend that you mediate, do yoga so that you can learn how to breathe properly because breathing correctly keeps you present and prevents anxiety, and put yourself around those who will support you and who will build you up, and check out the tapping a.k.a Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). Here's to you and those you love getting on the road to recovery. There is still time to finish strong in 2016.